Sunday, 27 April 2014

Of The Modi’fied

People in India have tendency to get way too overwhelmed, be it channelling abuses on yuvraj after losing a match or being impressed by the “attitude” of some obnoxious character on Madhubala serial thingy. The point i am driving home is Indians need to idolise or reprimand some oneto justify the conditions they live in. Be it the obsession with shahrukh-salman rivalry ( as if sensex would fall if they didn’t greet each other ) or the rants against Yuvraj ( Bottomline : Sri Lankans had come to play too!). The last nail to drive in the coffin is this Modi wave which has “modi’fied “ the common perception as if Akshay kumar has come to save the chineese ( which was Equally pathetic scenario btw!!). I mean,the guy packs a punch for now,i did vote him for tactical reasons but i don’t believe the “chosen one “ is here with a lotus in his hand. Its fashionable to state the Gujarat model though the guy might not know capital of Gujrat.The guy who couldn’t tell Nitish Kumar from Ram Vilas Paswan is suddenly an expert on how seasoned modi is and how novice kejriwal is ,just because its on Facebook. Apparently, a lot happens on facebook nowadays as it offers flexible option for prayers ,respect,ridicule (One like = One prayer? Seriously ! get off your butt and do the real thing). People are anticipating modi as if all their problems will vanish magically once Modi occupies the office. My barber,for one,believes his municipality officer will somehow become less arrogant when modi comes  to power( I wonder if that would apply on Anu malik !). Apparently ,acchhe din aane wale hain. I overheard an engineering student asking If Modi would provide subsidised Daaru for engineers or increase female quota in NIT’s. The statement was followed by a rant worded as “Ghanta Achhe din aane wale hain”. The advertisements are getting on my nerves,what are they gonna do next time? Sponsor cricket series? Or get featured in Krishh 4 ( Krishh is more of a catalogue,less of a movie).Not to mention,there are music videos now stating the achievements of BJP/Modi,its highly likely Madhur Bhandarkar might direct a movie on the Subect !

So,the point to be made is VOTE,NOT GLOAT,leave that to leaders !

Saturday, 12 April 2014

The sections of Indian Junta who need to get a life!

Overindulgence is a way of life in India.We tend to overindulge in  all sorts of things be it movies ,cricket and celebrities.Not all overindulgence is bad, but some sections of people do need to get a real life for a change. Obsession with another human at that level is a signal of sorry life.From what i see ,most of India needs to get a life ,but some need it ASAP. Common cases of over-indulgence include :

1. First set of buffoons who need to get a life are people who call themselves SRK fans and Salman fans and are actually fighting on social networks.Can you believe that? I didnt know such people existed !But mother earth always ends up surprising me somehow. Apparently, they have made groups on facebook and abuse each other. Get a life people! Go make your own life large. We understand you are a fan, but dude this is pure loser shit !

2. People who go to Nirmal Baba's Samagams. I never understood the term "Leaving your brains home" ,but these people made me get that vibe. Seriously, the guy claims kripa is proportional to the value of prasad you donate to your lord.

3.People whose sentiments get hurt every now and then. Somebody makes a film, their sentiments get hurt. Why does religion need you buffoons as saviours?. Let the lord punish them. A girl gets raped in your vicinity ,your sentiments dont get hurt. Someone choses to create something on a religion which is equally his, your sentiments get hurt. Somebody abuses your leader, you resort to stone pelting, but the kind of language you use, your own mother and sister is abused casually among your friend group ,doesnt affect u ! Get a real life ladies
 4. Blackmailers on facebook who resort to blackmail for garnering likes.A deformed baby doesnt get cured by likes.Get off your butt and do the real thing.Somebody tell these people if likes equaled prayers, poonam pandey would be an actual celebrity :P.

  5.Those aunties who need to know about everyone's life ,the ones whose nephew or niece always ends up doing something better than me :P . These aunties tend to look down upon you, i mean i do that perfectly :P .why do i need them. So get a life or watch a serial aunties !

6.Those so called political analysts ( which is practically everybody ) who think Indian politics is all about shaming Rahul, Judging kejriwal and praising Modi. You might be right, but i dont need to hear it twice a day :P.Go vote for your guy, but don't sing about him on your timeline. PR companies do that perfectly !

Friday, 4 April 2014

10 questions that set my "HULK" mode on!!!

Intrusive questions seem to bug everbody. Me being a piscean ,i am extra irritable than a average person . Some questions just piss the hell out of me.Small talk often means tons of irrelevant and meaningless questions.These include:
 1.Aur fir Bhabi kaisi hai? (Duh! if i had one , i wont be here wasting my time with you!)

2. Bhai,Job shob mili koi? (Nailed a job??Well if i had, it would be all over my facebook,twitter,whatsapp and so on)

3.What kind of girl do you like? ( Listen girl ! if you are interested ,i am all for it, just dont ask me to make up words i don't believe?)

4.What are your hobbies ?( well saying "glued to laptop all day" certainly won't make any impression!)

5.Whats your aim in life? ( One step at a time,one step! let me finish the sandwich first! )

6.How much do you love me? "( Ask that again, it might just reduce substantially!)

7.Didn't you used to be a topper in school?what happened now? (Things change, wasn't i a loser too!)

8.How come you've gained so much weight ?( Its not helium! so what could it be?Genius!)

9.Can we be just good friends? ( Hahaha!! Good one )

10.Are'nt you asleep yet? ( yes i am, i type messages in my sleep )

Tuesday, 1 April 2014

One of a kind date : Smelly kind

"I am a compulsive hugger, you see..", she said. "Well in that case ,so do i ",i replied with a well practiced flirtatious smile. She gave that confirmation smile that seemed to acknowledge my flirty comment with grace.
"For a compulsive hugger, you are not that compulsive",i launched my master-stroke. It might seem audacious on the first date, but then again she had passed on her number to me in a train in presence of her mother. She  turned to hug me and curled her arms around my back. Soon, i realised that really was audacious on my part. That stench of sweat and whatever else master stroke had fallen flat on face. Being a gentleman that i am , i said ,"Well that was pleasing to all my 7 senses". She acknowledged the comment with another short hug...thankfully!! "You know i am a sort of a minimalist ",she said. I wondered if minimalists believed in shower. If nothing, her clothes did confirm her minimalist affinities. “Why do we need fancy marble and mirrors when we can manage with a shower and a bucket and four walls”."Oh, she does know about showers, i said to myself and wondered if she used one frequently. I led her to dinner and sat across the table to avoid combat with that stench. I already had too much to deal with ..a smelly chick, a failed date ,a wasted saturday night, etc. "You know, i am just back from a three day tour i took to Ooty, it does wonders for your mind and body" she said. "Clearly!", i added with a covert sarcastic tone. We finished the dinner and tagged along the railings of the mall having routine conversations of how we enjoyed each other’s company. "Let me show you something", i said, dragging her to a perfume store .I grabbed a bottle from my shelf and presented her saying, " i was involved in the making of this fragrance,i would love if you wore it next time we meet ,your feedback would mean a lot to me ".She sounded impressed and said that she did not know a marketing manager of a fragrance company can actually be involved in the formulation of fragrance."Its appealing to the ladies,you see", i replied with a a flirty but careful smile. I drove her back to her place and was thankful to my car fragrance for the first time which i would reject as useless otherwise. I carefully avoided the goodbye hug and escaped with just a wave." See you later",she said .I pointed to the bottle gift bag and uttered, " hope your fragrance precedes you !" and drove on with a sigh.Later that night , i got a message from her number saying "you wanna go to that new water park next week?".I smiled to myself and thanked my stars !

Find out about a hot refreshing shower here

Monday, 31 March 2014

Consumer cases against SUNNY LEONE withdrawn:Faking News:

A significant amount of consumer cases against Sunny Leone have been withdrawn after her latest release Ragini MMS 2. These cases were filed after her last release Jackpot citing unsatisfactory product and false advertising.
All the frustrated jobless students who went to saw her Jackpot said film had tricked them by false advertising. “The film has deeply offended us students and further dampened our belief in the already dishonest and fragile system,” said an engineering student surfing torrent for some real action.
However, Sunny has managed to calm her audiences this time by going an extra mile in her new venture.Sunny had proposed an item song in the court.
She had purposely added a moaning scene as bonus to all the subjects in court.”Toothpaste mein namak real ho na ho , film mein sunny real zaroor hai “, said a horny student in a line for second show. ” Yeh grahak ki jeet hai “, said a student activist who had filed a PIL regarding this issue. Sunny has,however, also offered free membership of her site to all those who aren’t still ready to withdraw the case.

Sunday, 30 March 2014


  • Dear Google, i am not a robot. I wish i was, but  can you stop hurting my feelings!
  • Dear Professor,  I would like an advance announcement next time if you are’nt  going to mark attendance.
  • Dear “Just Friends “ of My GF , why don’t you get yourself a girl or a life !
  • Dear facebook, you are supposed to issue a warning before blocking my friend requests
  • Dear  wannabe modern girls , there are Hollywood movies other than twilight and stop quoting their love story. Real life Bella is a cheat!
  • Dear Modi and BJP , not everyone against you is a “PAK agent "
  • Dear facebook, you are supposed to issue a warning before blocking my friend requests.
  • Dear facebook friends , Unless i am actually in a pic , I have no interest in being tagged in ur pics. And yes , I hate teddies and kitties :P
  • Dear Rahul Gandhi , I understand Bringing youth in politics is important , but you cannot have that answer for every question.
  • Dear Airtel , I know my balance is below 10 rupees, you dont have to shove that in to my face every time!
  • Dear Arnab Goswami , Having a last word yourself and muting other people is not debating !
  • Dear India news , why don’t u shift your studio to a chaupal !
  • Dear public , enough with Manmohan jokes , they are’nt funny anymore!
  • Dear Uday Chopra ,not all persistence is good !!
  • Dear Honey Singh , we got it you are a party person, what else u got?
  • Dear Girls ,you don’t have to type “hmmm “ in a chat.  I ain’t holding a gun to your head.
For more youth and college humour Click

Saturday, 29 March 2014

News you missed while watching T20 : Best of Faking News

1. Marred by his ED( Election Debut) and premature expulsion, Pramod Muthalik promises that he’s a changed man. I wonder if all the pink lingerie he received as a protest changed his outlook towards women. Mine would !!! With his current resentment towards Arnab Goswami ,TIMES NOW is considered sending their underwear.
2. With Idiots like KRK and Rakhi Sawant having entered politics, it is no longer inappropriate to say that our political scene is flooded by a bunch of idiots. After porn , pepper spray and money flying in parliament, item girl is the only thing missing .
3 .With Subrata Roy and Kejriwal coming to their rescue, Indian ink industry has got a major boost and are now trying to get modi and Rahul as their Brand Ambassadors. Rakhi Sawant has, although offered to do it for free. She has offered lucrative advertising space (If you know what I mean)
4.  After failing to generate any buzz after announcing private quotas, Congress govt. is now planning to announce reservation in multiplexes. Now 20 % of the corner seats will be reserved for backward classes. And reserved classes will be provided 20% extra data on their 3G packs.
5. After dismissing the reports of one man worship, BJP has now decided to name their manifesto as “Modifesto”. Meanwhile, Poonam Pandey has been given ticket over Smriti Irani since she promised to bring all her Twitter followers to vote . Poonam has acknowledged this by tweeting a photo wearing just a lotus !
6.  After his chai pe charcha , Modi is now trying to reach the slum people by his new campaign “track pe track record “.The event funding will be provided by Hajmola , Tupperware and Western Railway before Arvind Kejriwal questions the funding . In response ,Rahul Gandhi has launched a series of new gatherings called “Shauch pe Soch”.
7. After Kejriwal and Antony, Modi has now called Jaswant Singh and Nitish Kumar a “Pak Agent ” and quoted Rajasthan’s role in 1962 war.
8. The words “Shehzada” , “Feku ” and “Paltu” have been included in the oxford dictionary of political jargon only next to democrats and republicans.